The Saga Of The Female Mannequin (Part 2)

One day when my wife had gone to kindergarten to pick up our five-year-old daughter, I sneaked the mannequin into the bathroom, and stood her just inside the door and turned the light out.  (The following is my daughters remembrance of what happened)

Mom stopped out front to talk to Grandpa, but being a typical kid, I had to go straight to the bathroom, so she opened the front door for me and I went inside. The bathrooms in that house were side by side in a hall that ran in the middle behind the living room and between the kitchen and the bedrooms. If all the doors were closed (& they often were), that was a DARK hallway. Rushing in that day, I wasn’t paying any attention to the dark and ran into the bath, reached up to turn on the light switch and touched a face.

I honestly don’t remember exactly what happened after that, but I’m pretty sure that it involved screaming and running right back out the front door and I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that I had my first “accident” in years. Grandpa went in, found the mannequin and tried to calm down his scared granddaughter and shaken daughter-in-law.

Don’t remember much else; except for some comments about maybe he’d be taking a belt to his “grown” son for scaring us to death and justifications that Dad made about expecting Mom to go in to the bathroom and it wasn’t meant for me. Basically, I don’t think that made much difference to Grandpa, because scaring Mom wasn’t much better than scaring me….

I do remember that the mannequin stayed at the warehouse – in the back and that my brother and I would want to go and find it but be too scared to venture to far back there.

Election 2010

I was watching Nancy Pelosi’s demeanor on TV the other day, and it appears to me that she does not realize what just happened in the election.

She was acting just as happy as if she had won the lottery, which surprised me, as I would have expected her to be really down and out.

Now, I have been wrong before, but I do believe that that woman has lost her senses.  She is probably in need of some counseling but does not realize it.

I hope someone close to her will get her some help before she does something to herself that can’t be reversed.  This is my opinion and I am sticking with it.

What To Do With Hotel Soap?

The following letters are taken from an actual incident between a London hotel and one of its guests.  The hotel ended up submitting the letters to The London Sunday Times.

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Dear Maid,

Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial.  Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish.  They are in my way.

Thank you,

S. Berman

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Dear Room 635,

I am not your regular maid.  She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her day off.  I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you requested.  The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind.  This leave only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the management is to leave 3 soap daily.  I hope this is satisfactory.

Kathy, relief maid

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Dear Maid – I hope you are my regular maid.

Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her concerning the little bars of soap.  When I got back to my room this evening I found you had added 3 little Camays to the shelf under my medicine cabinet.  I am going to be here in the hotel for two weeks and have brought my own bath-size Dial so I won’t need those 6 little Camays which are on the shelf.  They are in my way when shaving, brushing teeth, etc.  Please remove them.

S. Berman

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Dear Mr. Berman,

My day off was last Wed. so the relief maid left the 3 hotel soaps which we are instructed by the management.  I took the 6 soaps which were in your way on the shelf and put them in the soap dish where your Dial was.  I put the Dial in the medicine cabined for your convenience.  I didn’t remove the 3 complimentary soaps which are always laced inside the medicine cabinet for all new check-ins and which you did not object to when you checked in last Monday.  Please let me know if I can be of further assistance.

Your regular maid,

Dotty

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Dear Mr. Berman,

The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this morning that you called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid service. I have assigned a new girl to your room.  I hope you will accept my apologies for any past inconvenience.  If you have any future complaints please contact me so I can give it my personal attention.  Call extension 1108 between 8am and 5pm.  Thank you.

Elaine Carmen

Housekeeper

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Dear Miss Carmen,

It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for business at 7:45am and don’t get back before 5:30 or 6pm.  That’s the reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night.  You were already off duty.  I only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do anything about those little bars of soap.  The new maid you assigned me must have thought I was a new check-in today, since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my medicine cabinet along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the bathroom shelf.  In just 5 days here I have accumulate 24 little bars of soap.  Why are you doing this to me?

S. Berman

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Dear Mr. Berman,

Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your room and remove the extra soaps.  If I can be of further assistance, case call extension 1108 between 8am and 5pm.  Thank you.

Elaine Carmen,

Housekeeper

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Dear Mr. Kensedder

My bath-size Dial is missing.  Every bar of soap was taken from my room including my own bath-size Dial.  I came in late last night and had to call the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets.

S. Berman

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Dear Mr. Berman,

I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap problem.  I cannot understand why there was no soap in your room since our maids are instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time they service a room.  The situation will be rectified immediately.  Please accept my apologies for the inconvenience.

Martin L. Kensedder

Assistant Manager

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Dear Miss Carmen,

Who the hell left 54 little bars of Camay in my room?  I came in last night and found 54 little bars of soap.  I don’t want 54 little bars of Camay.  I want my one damn bar of bath-size Dial.  Please give my back my bath-size Dial.

S. Berman

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Dear Mr. Berman,

You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them moved.  Then you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was missing so I personally returned them.  The 24 Camays which had been taken and the 3 Camays you are supposed to receive daily.  I don’t know anything about the 4 Cashmere Bouquets.  Obviously your maid, Kathy, did not know I had returned your soaps so she also brought 24 Camays plus the 3 daily Camays.  I don’t know where you got the idea this hotel issues bath-size Dial.  I was able to locate some bath-size Ivory which I left in your room.

Elaine Carmen,

Housekeeper

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Dear Miss Carmen,

Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory.  As of today I possess:

On the shelf under medicine cabinet – 18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2

On the Kleenex dispenser – 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 3

On the bedroom dresser – 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet 1 stack of 4 hotel-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4.

Inside the medicine cabinet – 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2

In the shower soap dish – 6 Camay, very moist.

On the northeast corner  of tub – 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used.

On the northwest corner of tub – 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.

Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that stacks of more than 4 have a tendency to tip.  May I suggest that my bedroom window sill is not in use and will make a excellent spot for future soap deliveries.  One more item, I have purchased another bar of bath-size Dial which I am keeping in the hotel vault in order to avoid further misunderstanding.

S. Berman……………………………………………………………………

Smoking Then and Now

One night, February 17th, 1979, I was laying in bed at the Admiral Benbow Inn, in Biloxi, Mississippi watching the Johnny Carson show.  The weather was terrible for the Gulf Coast, a very cold rain with some sleet mixed in.

As I reached over to get another cigarette, I found that I only had one left in the pack.  The only way to get some was to go to the lobby, and I was on the back side, a good little walk in the rain plus I would have to get up and get dressed. Not something that I wanted to do, but I didn't think I could wake up and not have a cigarette to light immediately.  I checked to see if I had sixty cents in change, to fit the machine they were in, and first decided to go get a pack.

Then I thought gosh I have been wanting to quit, and this looks like a good time.  So, I turned the TV off, and the lights out and went to sleep.

The next morning it was really tough but I stuck with it.  After breakfast, I grabbed a wooden toothpick to try and satisfy my nicotine craving. I chewed that toothpick, until it looked like a toothbrush.  This continued for about 3 weeks until I felt that I had won the battle.  I'll bet I chewed a cord of wood during that time.  All the time I was telling myself and others that when I turned 65, I was going to buy a pack and chain smoke them one right after the other until they were all gone.

When I did turn 65, they told me the pack of Marlboro was going to cost me $4.00 or so which scared me into giving up that idea.

You know, sixty cents a pack was wasteful, but I don't think I could ever pay that kind of price for something just to burn up and that was also very bad for your health

The Saga Of The Female Mannequin

In the sixties, I was office manager for a sales and distribution company.  We had a warehouse that stocked a large amount of grocery products and we had a couple of men working in the warehouse unloading rail cars and trucks, and then loading trucks that came by to pick up their orders.

One of the truck drivers that picked up at the warehouse, was also a friend of mine.  As he was making his rounds this one day, he found a female mannequin that had been placed in the alley by a clothing store that had burned and he asked if he could have it.

That afternoon he brought it by the warehouse when he came by to make a pickup.  It was in a large cardboard box with her legs sticking up and out of the box. Her legs were smutty, and the black high heel shoes showed they had been burned.  When our worker, a very large black man pushed his two wheel truck up into the the trailer with several cases of canned goods on it, he saw those legs sticking up, and he lost control, dropped the truck, scattering the cases of Campbell soup and he came running off the trailer, screaming there is a dead woman in there.

Thats when the fun began.

To be continuied.

Family Get-Together

Yesterday, the Third of July, my wife's side of the family had their annual family reunion at her nephew's home on the Tenn-Tom waterway between Columbus and West Point, MS.

We had quite a gathering of her spouse (me), children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, sisters, cousins, nephews, and nieces. Two of our three children and their families were there which made it more the enjoyable for us.  There was absolutely too much food for the number of people on hand, and I think everyone ate too much.  I know I did.  Then it was time for the watermelon.  I sure missed the home made ice cream tho.  I just may have to make some today since this is the Fourth of July,  One of my most favorite holidays.  I don't mind the fireworks, if someone else is paying, but I could never see myself burning up my own money.

There were too many of the nephews and nieces absent this year, that we really missed seeing and hope that they will make plans to attend next time.

The waterway was full of boats, and a couple of barges, not to speak of the swimmers that were along the sides of the river enjoying the Fourth of July weekend.  Nephew Curtis, who has the home on the river, also has a ski boat that he was happy to take everyone interested in for a ride.  He made sure the kids had all the fun they could expect.

The Red Tailed Hawk

This has been a sad day in the backyard.  Early this morning while my soul-mate was having coffee on the patio, a red tailed hawk that lives in the neighborhood came swooping down and feasted on a newborn mocking bird. No matter how hard the parents fought, they could not keep the hawk from its fine meal.

Of course, this really put a quite on the birds in the backyard and for the rest of the morning, there was hardly a bird to be seen.  Usually, there are close to a hundred birds twittering around at the feeders and bath enjoying the surroundings that we have made for them.  Maybe tomorrow they will come out of hiding and keep us entertained again, but for today the hawk has made "a sad day" for us, and a scary day for the birds.

If you would like to take a look at some of our bird friends, go to:

http://picasaweb.google.com/don.kj5si/BackyardBirds#